Part 2

I was born as a muslim. Into a muslim family. Grown up in muslim community. Lives in a (somewhat) Islamic country. Thought to pray at a very young age. Fasted on Ramadhan since I was a kid. Told to dress modestly when I go out. Went for Quran classes since young. But I never understood Islam for 19 years of my life. I never felt connected to Allah. And I never thought I needed to.

All I've ever known about Islam is that we have to pray, fast, pay zakat and go for hajj. That was my idea of Islam. And when people talk about the Deen, I felt like there's a burden I have to carry when I'm fulfulling the pillars of Islam. But that is the problem. All I ever understood was that I have to do this, I have to do that. And if I don't do it, I'll be thrown into the hellfire. And that's basically why I did it, if I did it anyway.

I never understood why I did it. Not just why as in because we have to love Allah and because He said so and because it's written in the Quran and because we want to go to Paradise etc. Now I understand that I pray because I need to. I need the prayers. Allah doesn't need it. If I missed my salah, He won't be any less powerful than He is. But I will. Because I'm small, I'm His creation and I need to build a connection with Him. So that I'll just at the very least, could feel calmness through the prayers and it'll give me strength to go on with life. And that's why I need to pray. At least, the 5 obligatory prayers. I'm praying for myself and no one else. The prayers that I offer is for me. I.need.it. I need to talk to my Creator. And that is, through prayers.

"If you want to talk to Allah, pray. If you want Allah to talk to you, read the Quran"